Shoot Promos on Race, Class, Gender, Etc

"Despite everything, no one can dictate who you are to other people." - Prince Wait, I thought you concluded your blog last week . I did. But I did have one portrait left from my photoshoot with Zachary, so I decided to tack on this "stinger", a post-credit scene, you see with most Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. Okay, what's up. Am I going to share any insights or lessons I gained from going through this journey? Am I going to announce my plans for another blog series or some other creative endeavor? Do I have some joke I wanted to get off my chest? Am I going to attach a scene of enjoying shawarma with my best friends like the stinger in The Avengers ?  As far as writing goes, I'm going to take a much needed break. The self-imposed commitment to write every week was very cathartic but I poured everything I had into this project. I'm spent and need to take some time to recharge and feel inspired again. I need to find my creative source now that I...

"To recognize one's own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence." - Eckhart Tolie 3/11/2022. I'm meeting with Zachary at a coffee shop in Lakewood to select the photos from my photoshoot on 3/8. I assumed that I was only going to limit it to 20 but my best friend assured me that I wouldn't be able to resist going with the package of 30 photos. Sure enough as we went through the 150 or so photos he showed me, we kept whittling it down until we couldn't whittle it past 30. I called Piper and put her own speaker so she could tell me "I told you so", which I enjoyed giving her the opportunity to do so. Zachary and I would meet 4 weeks later so I could pick up a beautiful box with my 30 photos enlarged in 11x14 prints. I would also receive the digital copies of my photos. When he asked me what I intended to do with the photos, I shared that I intended to start a blog series and tell a story or anecdote wit...

"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." - Ralph Waldo Emerson Warning: the following blog deals with areas of mental health and suicide ideations that may be triggering. I won't take it personally if you skip this one. Based on the viewership the last few weeks, y'all skipping anyways. So f*ck it. LOL "What is going well in your life?" My therapist RB asks me through the zoom screen. During our last session two weeks ago I shared that my mental health had declined and it felt like I was back at square one. The throbbing headaches returned. And the quality of my sleep had been inconsistent. The suicide ideations returned and whatever progress I had made over the previous six months felt like it was all for naught. And what actual progress had I made? I was still heartbroken. Though I tried to cautiously date since then, every "I...

"The leaves have refused to change. They say that they are tired of things never remaining the same, of dying to be reborn, of winter's dry withered hand. They are praying for an eternal spring. Even I expected that the beautiful autumn must have been ecstasy for the leaves. But they admit that there is nothing more painful than changing from green to yellow to red to brown. They insist that their beauty is a prolonged suffering. They say they will never change again... I have told them that everything has its season." - Saul Williams, S/he SPRING It was August of 2003 (yes I'm telling a story that happened in the summer but just follow along this strained analogy). Nearly 6 weeks after surgery on both knees for patellar mal-tracking and tendonitis. By now I no longer needed to use crutches but I still required the use of a cane because any prolonged standing caused immediate swelling and inflammation in my knees. I wouldn't be able to resume physical therapy unti...

"You don't need someone to complete you, you only need someone to accept you completely." - Unknown During my therapy session this week, I shared how I spent my week off conducting a social experiment embracing my independence without people pleasing. What did that look like and how did I show up for myself? How did it feel to curate my own itinerary, to only do the activities that I wanted to do, and to create peak experiences? Every decision was made out of desire. Big decisions like what hotel I was going to stay at, where I was going to sit for the Silk Sonic concert, and what night I was going to visit Partage for the tasting menu experience. To the minute decisions like what times I was going to utilize the hotel gym and pool, which ended up being the earlier the better before both places got too crowded. Anxiety attack aside (read last week's blog detailing that), the result was that I felt a sense of validation once I acknowledged that I accomplished everythi...

"On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do." - Eckhart Tolie "Life is meaningless".  In a room of 150 people (obviously pre-pandemic), I'm sitting among the back rows, toward the aisle, taking copious notes, even though the course instructor encouraged us not to take notes. That "bombshell" produced some looks of bewilderment, some people exhaled deeply like the weight of the world was removed from their shoulders, some began laughing at their own absurdities.  Landmark Worldwide is a personal and professional growth, training, and development company focusing on helping achieving success, fulfillment, and greatness. I signed up for "The Landmark Forum", their introductory course in April of 2018 after I made acquaintances with Juls, a woman I gave a Lyft ride to a month prior. I didn't have the disposable income to pay for the course and Juls offered to pay for...