Chapter 29: Peak Experiences, Padma, and WTF Transcendence?

"Don't try to recreate peak experiences. Instead, just accept them as the gift that they are, and don't beat up on yourself for not being able to stay there.

Because if you stayed there, they wouldn't be peak experiences. They would be normal, every day in time hum drum boring, experiences.

So, savor the peak experiences and compliment yourself upon achieving of them, and expect more of them, and leave everything else out of the equation." - Abraham Hicks

Self-actualized people enjoy peak experiences. A peak experience describes a moment of euphoria, wonder, and joy, often characterized by a sense of feeling connected to the universe. They might seem like eye-opening moments, where deeper meanings suddenly become clear. They aren't necessarily spiritual, though. 

I remember my first praise night for KCCC when I was a sophomore in college. It was supposed to be a big "Christian revival" event where we invited friends and family to accept Jesus into their lives as well as revive and re-awaken an existing believer's lapsed faith. At one of their weekly Friday night Gethsemane prayer meetings, I had signed up to be in the choir. Granted the only reason I joined was because my crush at the time, Esther, who was my college mate I met freshmen year and through who I joined the more Koreanized and evangelical KCCC over the more Korean American centric KCM campus ministry (boy do I regret that one now) had signed up for choir first. Look, I just wanted to be closer to her. There were about 16 of us and the choir director heard each of us sing and assigned us to our respective sections (bass, tenor, alto, soprano). How I wasn't Simon Cowell'd and immediately dismissed for my singing was an indication that she might have been more concerned with having a packed stage than us actually sounding good. For the record, I was grouped with the tenors. It's not like we were actually going to sing on our own like a Sunday service; we were backup vocals to the praise band, a combination of the most talented musicians and singers from the various campus ministries. So we spent the next several Friday nights practicing our harmonies and learning the setlist for the praise night. 

The night before we gathered together in a circle and shared a prayer or expectation we had for the praise night. A few people shared how excited they were, how they knew people who were coming, how much they enjoyed singing, etc. Wanting to say something deep, and subconsciously to impress Esther, I said how for the non-converted who'll be in attendance, our singing could be their first introduction to Christianity and how the onus was on us to set a tone for the evening. A few people nodded their heads, one of my brothers from the UCI group uttered a wow, and I think a few people silently vomited in their mouths because they saw through my bullsh*t. I mean it wasn't entirely insincere. Sometimes I marvel at how pretentious I can sound, and that was not rehearsed that was completely off the dome! Right before we went up on stage the choir director implored us to bring the energy and get the crowd hyped up.

As the praise band performed we began jumping up and down, pumping our fists, and singing at the top of our lungs. All that practice with harmonies and melody went right out the window; we were singing out as loud as we could. But there I was caught up in the excitement, completely letting loose, and swept up by the Holy Spirit. Or so I thought. I hadn't been to a concert before nor a professional sporting event so I didn't have anything to compare it to. Fast forward to seeing Kendrick Lamar perform in concert for the DAMN tour in 2017 and joining a sold out crowd rapping along to "Humble" in unison and feeling that same wave of euphoria. Okay, so maybe it wasn't the Holy Spirit after all. 

October 25, 2015 when I attended WWE Hell in a Cell at the Staples Center (newly renamed Crypto.com Arena). I had only begun attending live pro wrestling shows in 2014 and this was my first pay-per-view show. We sat opposite the hard camera side so that we could theoretically we could spot ourselves on camera whenever WWE held a wide shot. Watching pro wrestling felt like a very loser thing to enjoy while growing up but watching it in a live crowd with thousands of like minded "losers" was a rare feeling of community and togetherness. It's the excitement of attending a sporting event combined with nerd fandom. It's very common for wrestling fans to bring signs to the show supporting their favorite wrestler/performer or something that indicated that they were a "smark", a pro wrestling fan who knows the matches are predetermined but enjoys it nonetheless. At the time I was a loyal listener of the Cheap Heat podcast, a pro wrestling podcast by then hosts Peter Rosenberg, from HOT 97 in NYC, and David Shoemaker, author/writer for Grantland.com. I made fan signs based on the terminology they used on the show, words like "MAJ" (short for majour) for good matches and storylines and "ADJACE" (slang for adjacent to signal something was bad) and "CHOPYACHA" to poke fun at the exaggerated inflections by WWE ring announcers for the word championship. At the conclusion of each match I held up my sign to signify whether I thought a match was MAJ or ADJACE; and I held up the CHOPYACHA sign for the introduction of any championship match. An hour into the show, I realized that both Peter Rosenberg and David Shoemaker were in attendance in the VIP guests section and they spotted my signs. I waved in acknowledgement as we exchanged glances and screamed "chopyacha" in unison hundreds of yards away and separated by thousands of fans. Later in the show they walked over to our section to thank us for the support as well as take photos with us as whatever adjace match was taking place below. After they left, we exchanged high fives and screamed in jubilation at the thrilling conclusion of the final match between Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker.

WWE Hell in a Cell: 10/25/15 - MAJ not ADJACE 

March 16, 2016, nearly 8 months before the world as we know it went to sh*t and AmeriKKKA sold their soul to the Anti-Christ, I attended a book signing for Padma Lakshmi's memoir Love, Loss, and What We Ate. I bought the VIP ticket which featured a meet & greet with Padma along with several hors d'ouvres of simple recipes from her book. I've long been a fan of Padma from the show Top Chef and when I began following her on various Social Media platform, a fan of how she constantly leveraged her platform to highlight social and political causes including the ACLU and Endometriosis research. When it comes to celebrities it's hard to know whether they personally run their own accounts or if you're engaging with someone from their PR team. Regardless, I would often respond to her tweets and posts with complimentary and affirming messages of gratitude and admiration. Anytime that she liked a tweet or IG reply it made my day, but I didn't give it a second thought. I was but one of thousands and thousands of her adoring and lovesick followers. Who am I? As Lexi and I snacked on the samples of yogurt rice and chutney while waiting for the line to subside, we made our way to meet Padma, have our books autographed, and take our selfies with her. Let me just say how intimidating it can be meeting Padma in person, who is legitimately one of the most stunning individuals I had ever seen, and introduce yourself. When she asked me what my name was so she could sign my book, her face perked up when she heard my name. "Oh my gosh, you're Daniel" and she looked at her assistant when she said this is @daniellee721 (since changed my handle). She mentioned that she always read my responses and really appreciated my continuous support and gave me a hug. At that moment if she asked me to drop everything and move across country to New York to be her assistant or sub, I might have. As I walked away in a daze, several fans who had casually observed my interaction with Padma asked who I was to receive such a particularly warm greeting. Still in a state of shock, I answered that I was a nobody but she remembered from social media.

Meeting the great Padma Lakshmi, 3/16/16

Why did I share these 3 stories? First off, after 29 weeks I wanted to come with new material and anecdotes instead of rehashing the same stories and same traumas. Second, I wanted to remember three unrelated peak experiences where I felt a strong sense of connection. That sometimes these seemingly mundane and innocuous interactions online can actually have real life resonance. Third, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay in these moments forever and I simply had to savor every moment in them. Did that praise night bring any new people to Christ. Hell if I know. And no, Esther and I never dated; in fact she began dating my spiritual "mentor" which added insult to injury Technically we were discouraged from dating in KCCC. Was I the only one gullible enough to follow that? SMH. No, I never got invited to appear on Cheap Heat nor any other pro wrestling podcast, though I have been shouted out a few times and contributed articles and Q&A questions to the "The Work of Wrestling" by Tim Kail. Yes, I keep in touch with Padma on social media and she occasionally responds. No, she hasn't asked me to marry her yet. So I will remain in Los Angeles for the foreseeable future. 

There have been other peak experiences and I'm sure there will be more in the future. Though I have no idea where and when they'll be coming from, I hope to have the awareness to appreciate them in the moment. And no matter how hard I way wish otherwise, we can't freeze time and remain in those moments. 

Only to the extent that someone is living out this self transcendence of human existence, is he truly human or does he become his true self. He becomes so, not be concerning himself with his self's actualization, but by forgetting himself and giving himself, overlooking himself and focusing outward. - Viktor E. Frankl

You mean I spent these last 13 weeks thinking, meditating, and writing about self-actualization for you to tell me I don't need to focus on it? M*therf*cker! Well, there's transcendence for ya.

Well, f*ck. I got nothing... So, I guess I'll see you next week. 

Portrait Photography: https://www.zacharyleeportrait.com